I am unemployed.
Part of me is very uncomfortable about that. The driving, ambitious ‘Type A’ side of me is like a wild stallion trying to break out of a corral, or a zealous athlete pleading, “Coach, let me back in!” I have options that I can pursue, but I have chosen to be led by God so I don’t end up in a place where I have defrauded myself of what God has prepared for me. But, this is uncomfortable.
If I let this discomfort get the best of me, I begin to fear of how I will soon pay the bills and I question whether my family will be okay with medical coverage. I don’t like not (bad English, I know) working towards a tangible goal. I don’t like not knowing where I am going. I am a risk taker, a goal maker, a play maker…so, this is uncomfortable.
However, the other side of me is so very much at peace with this season in my life. In fact, the intimacy that I have with God now is far greater than I have ever had before. Because I have questions, and because am seeking for clear direction, my desperation for Him has multiplied. Not because I am fearful of what can go wrong in my life, but because I am “gasping” for what can go right in my life.
I know with absolute confidence that this is the “place” where God wants me in right now. I know that when people say that they are in “transition” their friends nod knowingly as they know that’s code for unemployment or a lack of “place”. I think of Abraham when God told him to leave his place of comfort, the place where his family and friends lived, the place where he had accumulated much wealth, and to go a place called “Yet To Be Determined”! He didn’t tell him where exactly he was going, he just said “go”. He had for him an inheritance that was as abounding as the number of sand grains in the desert and as numerous as the stars in the sky.
I know that great things are just around the corner. Things that are greater than my grandest vision. Things that I would have before laughed at allowing myself to imagine. I think of, and draw inspiration from, God’s words to the prophet Jeremiah who experienced his own conflict of peaceful discomfort:
“For I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
I think discomfort is good. Without discomfort, we have no opportunity to find intimacy and peace with the Comforter.